sleepyskin's Diaryland Diary

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the inside of you

I try to shake this, this
that is your residue that is
everything you left behind with your blender and
your green garbage bags full of
random and unimportant things in my basement.
I try to shake this, this
that is your new self, your new
glasses and friends and
everything else in-between that is
not me or anything to do
with the in-between life
we had or once pretended
to have.

I went to the praries not to find you, no
not to find you as you are now
but you as I remember you, the one I loved so
entirely so
much that the only way I felt I could
be complete and ready for all your love and
the love I had to give would be
to open you up and crawl inside your skin, your
bones your flesh and blood and everything in-between.

in your skin I would be warm and safe and protected from everything I knew was bound to happen and
everything that shouldn't have happened all at once.

I went to the praries and there you were.
you that is the un-you, you that is not the past you
that carries on inside your shell inside
the person you want people to see inside
the weeping shadow that blankets your soul.

no, I found you there in my sterile hotel room,
everything set up just so, or being
set up infront of you as to not
show any sign of what was once familiar.
we joked about my life of living out of a suitcase and you, you
joked at the built-in hairdryer as you pointed it in my direction as
I walked to the door.
we laughed like yesterday
(we laughed like November) and
I looked in your eyes and felt so sad to be so far from
the inside of you.

1:13 AM - April 11, 2004

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